I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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