Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
