Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
