I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
