Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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