Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
