You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
