hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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