It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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