he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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