The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This toilet bowl is my home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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