yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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