so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
