Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
