i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
