that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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