Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
