Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
