i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
