how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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