If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
