you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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