Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
