then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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