I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
