I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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