We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
