saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
