need another drink. this is the easiest way
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
