i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
