Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
