okay pat passed out under dana's car
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
