woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
