Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
