It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
