Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
