No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
