There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
