that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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