so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
