I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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