This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
