you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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