There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
