You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
