Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
