everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
