How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
