you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
