The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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